I have learned in my experience working with people that the powerful weapon of our mind can be wielded for our success or sabotage our ambitions. Our brain wiring can prime us for greatness or exploit our weakness. Whether it be landing your dream job, ditching a bad habit, or getting organized, negative outlooks often kill our aspirations right from the start. In my own life I have had to overcome many mental hurdles, and I’ve endured countless setbacks. It takes time and constant practice, but recognizing these four mindsets and taking simple steps to reverse them can start a person on a path to achieve their goals.
Negative Emotions
Many of my clients harbor shame and embarrassment over the state of their houses. They tell me that they or their families don’t want to invite friends over because of the mess. They don’t even want me in their houses because of the mess, and I’m the professional organizer they called in to help! When I sit to talk with these clients, I discover that most causes of disorganization stem from anxiety, depression, stressful-life transitions, a change in health status, or a sense of overwhelm with life. What starts out as, “I don’t have energy to clean that up right now,” quickly spirals out of control. My own experience of having a toddler and working beyond full-time made my house look like a rabid raccoon ransacked the place. When the mess becomes a daunting task it undermines our self-worth harming our mental state even more. However, if we hold onto shame, guilt, anger, or regret, we will stay sucked into the negative vortex and change will be nearly impossible. All that negative emotion paralyzes people from improving.
So take the first step: forgive yourself, or anyone else you might be blaming for the state of your home and your life, and then let it go and do one small task to help you feel accomplished. When self-defeating tendencies sneak up on you, take a deep breath, then remind yourself you do not have to stay in that dismal place. It takes time and effort to reverse negative perspectives, but continue practicing forgiveness and reminding yourself of your commitment to change. Do it every day, and you will start to view life and your home more positively.
Lack of Contentment
Society excels at brainwashing us into thinking that we are not good enough. From the fifth grade bully whose taunts resound in our memory, to the luxury car in the neighbor’s garage reminding us we can’t afford anything but a fifteen-year-old beat-up sedan, to the TV advertisement drawing attention to our imperfect skin. We fall into the trap of purchasing some amazing product to improve our lives, only to be let down by the lack of results. I can remember buying makeup at age twelve because I thought it might make me look pretty and feel more confident in myself. Without the modern day tutorials on YouTube, I had to figure out how to use it on my own. I looked like a clown for most of middle school.
Many of my clients have been lured by the same deception and have accumulated items that clutter their cabinets and countertops. Our constant comparing drowns us in depression, flaunts our failures, and subverts our self-esteem, We struggle to be confident in who we are and content with what we have in life. Lack of contentment fuels ungratefulness and resentment, keeping us from recognizing the blessings in our lives.
Turn around this mindset by focusing on the positive. List the attributes you like about yourself, acknowledge the small successes in your life, and be grateful for what you have (or maybe even what you don’t have!) Survey your home and observe what works. Most of my clients have some organizational system in their house that already functions well. Affirming your skills and gifts will motivate you to keep moving forward. Recognizing blessings every day refocuses your mind on gratitude and contentment.
Perfectionism
I know people who have given up on a dream pursuit because their first attempt did not turn out exactly the way they had envisioned it. Maybe an endeavor seems too hard or a roadblock must be overcome to achieve the goal. Getting started on my organizing journey seemed challenging, because I knew I couldn’t afford the pretty baskets or containers that would really streamline my home. I didn’t have the means to recreate the picture perfect systems I saw on Pinterest, so why even bother? I lived with my chaotic piles and stuffed them into closets before people visited. Having a perfectionist mindset often sabotages us to the point where we don’t even start a project. We disqualify ourselves from opportunities before we even attempt them.
Start by eliminating the word “can’t” from your vocabulary. As soon as “can’t” enters your thoughts, your brain gives up finding a solution to the problem. It creates a gigantic barrier between you and your potential. Reverse your mindset to, “It may be difficult, but I can do this” or “With help, I can achieve this.” Recognize that improving our weak spots takes time and repetition. Strive for good enough and practice to get better.
Giving Into Failure
Clients tell me they have attempted to get organized in the past, and I recognize my own battle in their stories. So many stumbling blocks surfaced to cause my clients and me to abandon the war against disorganization. The accrued mess created a sense of hopelessness. When we don’t succeed at a project, those first three mindsets are brought to the forefront tempting us to quit trying to form new habits. But when we give up on claiming our goals, that’s when we truly fail.
Change does not happen overnight. It is continual process. Instead of ruminating on your failure, keep visualizing what success will look and feel like. Figure out what the smallest, easiest step would be that you can take to have a little achievement. Start with one drawer or put one load of laundry away as soon as it is dry. Praise yourself for your accomplishments! Recognizing tiny wins will keep you moving toward success.
So when negative thoughts attack you, fight back with forgiveness and positive thinking. If lack of contentment convinces you that you are less than, take a moment to consider your blessings and practice gratitude. Combat perfectionism by eliminating “can’t” from your vocabulary and striving for good enough. Turn failure into success through the accumulation of small wins.
One final piece of advice: don’t hesitate to call in reinforcements – a friend, a therapist, a professional organizer, a life coach – anyone who can keep you accountable to the changes you want to make in your life and help you navigate them in a positive way. You have made a choice to improve your life and you are worth it! Step away from these four mindsets keeping you from change and move forward in to a new, positive you.